


Invasion of Privacy

by powerbottomhux (YellowLion)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, M/M, everyone is slightly ooc, general hux Suffers, hint of kylux, stormtrroper family, ultimate crack!ua, wherein snoke thinks giving kylo ren a kitten is a great idea, who am I kidding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5818432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YellowLion/pseuds/powerbottomhux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux felt he rather enjoyed most of his life, besides the occasional aneurysm induced by a tantrum from the black-clad toddler roaming his ship. Of course, that feeling never lasted long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invasion of Privacy

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Remi here, just a quick note that this crack 'fic was inspired by Syferix entirely, it was their idea for Kylo Ren to be given a kitten in the first place.

Hux felt he rather enjoyed most of his life, besides the occasional aneurysm induced by a tantrum from the black-clad toddler roaming his ship, destroying whatever he felt would induce Hux into the most entertaining reactions. He had absolute control of an army of troopers at his command. Starkiller Base was nearly constructed. Everything was as smooth as could be expected for a military outfit intent on wrenching the galaxy from the ill-conceived and brainless New Republic. He could sleep in relative quiet.

 

That never lasted though. He knew his time had come when he woke to soulless eyes staring into his and a heavy weight upon his chest. To his horror, the dark weight mewed. Then, it began to purr. He was left in shock for the better part of five minutes, which felt like the better part of an hour.

 

To make matters even worse, his doors slid open with a hushed call, “Darth Vader?”

 

The kitten blinked at Hux, and he knew that voice. Even without his stupid fucking helmet, he knew that it was Kylo Ren. The horrid thing raised up and padded off his chest, hopping down to the floor to wind around the other’s ankles. Kylo Ren let out a frustrated growl, “How did you...nevermind.” The doors snapped shut behind him and the ginger insomniac was left lying awake for hours, dread sinking into his bones.

 

–

 

He attempted to dress and pretend he had only dreamed the kitten, but his own gaze in the mirror seemed far too exhausted to have dreamt the encounter. The ginger huffed, checked the time and delicately lifted his holopad to scroll through his messages as he walked to the morning meeting. All of it was the normal stock; except a single message from Kylo Ren which was odd. Usually, his messages were _about_ the manchild, never _from_ him. His stomach churned and he suppressed a long-suffering groan.

 

**My Master has seen fit to provide me with a living object to focus my attentions on. His name shall be Darth Vader and you are tasked with providing the tools necessary for the care of a kitten.**

 

He snarled at the screen, drawing frightened stares that quickly scattered the moment he looked up. Why was _he_ the one meant to take care of the things’ necessities? Didn’t they have _someone_ hired to take on this sort of thing?

 

A quick perusal of the files on everyone on board told him that in fact, no, there was literally _no one else_ . Desperate, he frantically searched the footage to see who or _what_ had given Ren a kitten. The ship landed but never properly locked in, the kitten brought out by a Wookie woman who seemed to speak to Ren for a moment as he held the beast, then she was gone as quick as she had arrived. He swore inwardly, could practically feel his hair stand on end in his fury.

 

Of course it was a kriffing kitten. Fantastic.

 

—

 

Luckily, he was able to scrounge up the necessary nutrition and amenities such as a box with odor-reducing sand inside it, a First Order bracelet of which he attached a metal tag with only the thing’s name and owner, as well as other extra things of which he was told would work as toys for the beast. He called a petty officer to drop off the offending bundle of items at Kylo Ren’s door, and asked her for a report on its well-being in the care of Emperor Snoke’s apprentice.

 

He did not hear back from her as soon as he would have liked, assuming the thing was dead and she was afraid to tell him—-he might have rejoiced at the news. It was six hours later that the Finalizer seemed empty of stormtroopers—-and that, once again, he felt cold dread slide down his spine.

 

 _They couldn’t have all just disappeared_ , he thought, beginning to feel the edge of panic cut at his throat. The barracks were clear, the training rooms had not seen a trooper for hours, and he began to feel that panic cut deeper. The last place he looked was the cafeteria— and that was where they were. Relief took over for a moment until he barked, “Units! Where is your commander?”

 

They all jumped to attention, shifting away from where they had been crowded around something. Their chrome-plated Captain turned her head to look at him and to his horror, there was another. A kitten slightly older than the black one that Kylo Ren was, was he, _cuddling?_

 

That kitten was also male, with admittedly beautiful, calm green eyes and bright ginger fur. He wondered dimly if that had been a jab at him, before saying in a quiet, cold fury, “Captain. May I ask where you acquired that...that _thing_?”

 

“A Wookie,” she said calmly— he felt her stare like daggers through her mask. “I named him Hux, after your obnoxious hair, _sir._ ” Her smirk was felt rather than seen. “It seemed only fair if Kylo Ren deserved a kitten, so should I and my troops to boost morale.”

 

He said curtly, “I have no qualms with such a purpose, however— why was I not allowed to _know_ of this? Nor was I to know how _every stormtrooper on this ship_ has gathered here to fawn over your contraband?”

  
The troopers shifted a little awkwardly on their feet, but he knew they just wanted to watch the animals play and run around like the mongrels they were. He did not let her answer, waspish as he said, “I will give your troops the option of setting up a shift for enjoying the...presence of the animals, so that the ship does not remain unguarded for hours on end. If I see any one of you ignore your designated shift, I will personally enjoy putting you and your kitten in an airlock, then opening the door.” He smiled icily, the threat ringing absolutely true as he turned smartly on his heel. He heard them all go back to cooing and gasping over the animals as soon as he left, and his headache worsened.


End file.
